Ours was an arranged marriage.
Or that is how the society prefers to call it. If you ask me, I am yet to understand the difference between a ‘love marriage’ and an ‘arranged marriage’. Can a marriage survive without love, is a much debated question. The naysayers opine that marriage is the end of all the romance. Well! I married early in life. I was 23. But that does not mean I did not have an informed opinion about everything under the sun. I was always very clear about the kind of life partner I would ideally want. And that somewhere made my friends, family and peers believe that I was the ‘love marriage’ kind of girl. Presumptions! I tell you. They kill many a love story.
In my mind, my ideal man was an obnoxious mix and match of Tagore’s Amit Ray, Vikram Seth’s Kabir Durrani, Will Darcy (this had to be there!), Sourav Ganguly, Shahrukh Khan, Abhishek Bachchan and what not! Happens! And after all that I met my husband….one who was self confessed “Bihari bong” at heart. One who knew his gadgets, technology, world war history and trivia and financial equations better than the Tagore’s “Amaro porano jaha chay/ Tumi tai, tumi tai go”. That was one song that I had intended to sing for my dream man after I met him. And I fell in love with this man, head over heels!!!!
Love is a wonderful thing, actually. And one should always be open about it….in my case, yes! it was the parents who talked first…but I would not have married him if I did not find an absolute crazy reflection of myself in him. And the opposites too! Needless to say this works out in a vice versa. We talked and talked….and talked..exchanged old fashioned love letters (emails!) across different time zones and what not. Did some crazy stuff during the short lived courtship period. And we still do.
There comes the second volley of questions. You guys are so mushy and stuff…are you sure it was an arranged marriage? And I have a serious objection to that…in fact calling any marriage by names. Love can happen in your life at any time. In our case, it was the matchmaking….in your case it might be the college sweetheart you later decide to marry. But one thing for sure, no marriage can survive without the ‘love’ factor. And the absolutely madness that two people need to share. After all it is all part of the madness called life!
Two years have gone by since the day I wore that laal benarsai sari, decked up, took the “paan” leaves and exchanged sweet nothings with him under an overtly decorated flowery mandap (stage). There were whistles and catcalls from the friends which we always laugh about…and there was the absolutely delicious food which we could not eat due to all the tiredness. And there were friends and well wishers. Some of who who had travelled all the way from different corners of the country to be with us for our big day. I had to deal with a big make up disaster during the reception in Jamshedpur, but apart from that, everything else was perfect…grand and absolutely the way he had planned for me. There were numerous gifts from both sides but the treasured ones are the family members and well wishers which we both added to our kitty.
The memories of that day and the Reception day are still afresh in our minds. And that makes our parents think “Oh! my god! 2 years have gone?” A similar thought which often strikes us too.
2 years…and all the craziness! And then we think about the cynicism- “Marriage is the end of all romance”. Really? Well! if you ask me, I will recommend marriage to everyone. It is a wonderful thing. How you make it a beautiful one depends on you. This one fairy tale that Grimm brothers assigned you to write. And it is not necessary that you need to have grand wedding, a lavish ‘destination’ one, an expensive make up artist or photographer, a pre wedding shoot, diamond jewellery and all that jazz!
It is perfect when it turns out just the way you want or just the way it is better!
We celebrated this anniversary away from home and loved ones, but with a bunch of new friends. There was a small party afterwards but the day was mostly spent indoors- he cooked dinner for me and uncorked the champagne. We exchanged some gifts (I am very materialistic :P) and that was it. But at the end of the day, we were happy…and that is all that mattered to us and our families and well wishers.
That happiness was all about being with someone who is your guardian angel, best friend, crazy laughter and acts partner, partner in crime, fellow travel enthusiast, an amazing support system…and everything else rolled into one! *Touchwood*
Here’s to many more to come! 🙂
P.S.-I was subjected to much caustic remarks over Facebook recently for something I wrote in my last post. While I am extremely tempted to make a even more caustic reply to all, especially in the wake of the ridiculous Supreme Court judgement in the Naz Foundation case, I decided against it. There are some absolutely brilliant pieces available over the internet and I do not think that apart from making a point, which will again be lost in the question of “what is right’ and ‘what is wrong’ kind of black and white, I can contribute more. Moreover, the brilliant man in my life made me understand a few things. One of them being that criticism- bad and ugly ones are very important for your growth as a writer, more so if you are planning to take it up seriously. Interestingly, this brilliant man and I also celebrated our second wedding anniversary on the day marked by the outrage over the Naz judgement. Irony!
To tell you the truth- my absolutely beautiful
anniversary day was somewhat marred by the judgement.
But, anyways! this post is not about all that. It is more about the mush, the absolutely Yashraj types that I am so famously fond of. The “tujhe dekha to yeh jana sanam” types.