Bong way of life Calcutta humour romance

Being the Bengali Jamai!

Last week, a friend of mine who traces his origin to the Indian state of Bihar expressed his desire to exchange places with my husband, for the grand “Jamai shoshti” lunch. The conversation arose when I had shared a hugely popular picture of a Bengali son in law sitting and sampling a wide(st!)variety of dishes cooked and served only for him, on social media.

Truth be told, I do not know about any other culture in this world, which celebrates their son in law(s) or “Jamais” with such fanfare and gluttony. We have an entire day dedicated to them, as if being the cynosure of all eyes for the rest of the 364 days, was not enough. And to follow the ritualistic conclusion of any Bengali festival, “Jamai Shoshti” essentially is all about celebrating our love for food.

All these give rise to a belief that the ‘Bengali Jamai’ is a very pampered lot. Indeed, they are. But then again, it is not a very easy job either!

humour Swayamvar

Rahul- Mujhse Shaadi Karoge?

Have you ever wondered why were you born on this planet? Did you? I did. Often, and not always in a vacant or in a pensive mood. Being reflective comes to me naturally you know and a certain Mr. Rahul Mahajan just acted as a catalyst.

So, why were you born on this beautiful planet? The answer, as of now, appears simple- to see Mr. Rahul Mahajan getting married on national television. No, that only does not suffice for an answer. The precision lies in accepting the fact that we were all born on earth (and that too before 2012!!) only to be a witness as to how Rahul Mahajan comforts a suitable “dulhan” on her non completion of a dance by saying, “Mein poora seduced ho gaya tha…“.

In case you think am being sarcastic, you are absolutely wrong. Come on guys! give the poor soul “another” chance. You have to empathize with him when he says that through this swayamvar (the nomenclature is problematic since he is lookinf for a vadhu) he has learnt that an in India marriages work out not only between two individuals but two families. So what he is learning it the second time around and with charges of domestic violence plastered on his overburdened head?? We can give him a benefit of doubt right? after all Chetan Bhagat’s book on the Indian marital scenario was yet to be released when Rahul started his selection for the perfect Dulhaniya.

And the Girls! Wow! mind blowing! amazing. Just when you thought Rakhi Sawant was the epitome of everything Women Liberation asked you to be- think again and think twice (Arunabh don’t whine, there could not have been a better poetic justice to your brilliant line!) because these girls are the true flagbearers of everything an ideal, modern Indian woman should be (cat fights included). They will sing for Rahul, dance for Rahul and become BJP woman wing members just for Rahul. And look at their tenacity- one claims to be in love with Rahul for ten years. Who the eff told that true love was dead? Jago Bharatiya nari. Because, you can screw your knowledge of Indian mythology by saying “Rahul ki Radha to mein hi banoongi” in spite of the fact that Radha-Krishna never got married and it was Rukmini who stole the show. But then again she is the modern Indian woman who doe the latak-matak-jhatak to capture the attention of her man. Doesn’t our literary and cinematic tradition provide for it? Didn’t Meena Kumari do the full swing in Sahib, Biwi, Gulam? Detractors, please! be rational.

Also thank you NDTV Imagine. thanks for producing such shows which provide the perfect foil for such bonding in this ruthlessly competitive planet. And a special mention for the editors of the show. The selection of background music- amazing, mind blowing,  fantastic (nosy twang). 

Also, Rahul I know what an inspiration you are for a certain Mr. Vikram Seth. I am sure you are aware that he is coming up with the sequel for “A Suitable Boy” tentatively called “A Suitable Girl” in the near future.
Bong way of life humour

How to lose a guy in 10 days- Let’s do it the Bong way :P

I was sulking my way to glory when suddenly a friend’s chat window popped up. She tried to console me in every possible way. And no! before you jump to the conclusion that it was about some impending break up, you are absolutely wrong :P. I had just returned back from home after my 2 months stay in the city of lights, joy and tinkling laughter. I wanted to run away from this place. But I had no other option. She suggested me to watch some movies. One of them was “How to lose a guy in 10 days”. I wasn’t particularly keen enough because my random reaction was, “Ok! listen, I have actually done that…I mean I have actually lost a guy in 10 days, so no Hollywoodi bhashanbaazi for me.”
But she insisted. And I watched the movie. (needless to say everyone in the hostel had heard about it apart from me!)And I hated it. I was so bored that I stopped watching it half way. Come on! what’s wrong with the hi fundoo brains?? you need passion to lose a guy in 10 days. and real dedication too. ask me! but thanks anyways to the movie because it became an inspiration for me to write about the most revered feat on this planet- “How to lose a guy in 10 days- the Bongo woman way” :P1. If that guy doesn’t know anything about Tagore just burden him with everything tagore- ranging from Robindroshongeet to Gitanjoli to Shantiniketon and Boshontoutshob. In case he is a non bong this works wonders. In case he is the less privileged Bong (they dont want to show their lack of privilege or ogotya in front of the lady he is chasing) do that until he feels nauseated.

2. Ditto for all other poets ranging from Jibanananda to Srijato. DEMAND that he calls you Natorer Bonolota Sen and have to recite poetry in style.

3. Demand that Your man must have the smile of Uttam Kumar or Soumitro and need to have those perfect sexy eyes through which he communicates his unending love for you. And that includes writing poetry for which you are the inspiration.

4. Be that perfect poetry, but if he buys you books/flowers only for gifts throw a big tantrum. Gosh! you so much expected the new Dior watch or the Satya Paul sari.Plain and simple I love you doesn’t work. Make it clear that he needs to make it “special” in every other way. and the definition of “Special”- well, make it arbitrary in your own way. Eg.- while having Phuchka near Gangar ghat.

5. Be that perfect Bong woman and swear by your Laal paar goroder sari, but in case he asks you to be dressed in a Sari for a particular occasion, show him your liberated bong woman image and call him a MCP. Well! don’t hesitate to wear your lovely tussar sari though 😛

6. Hate his mother. Just hate her and drill it into his head that the feeling is mutual.but then again never think twice to go on those shopping trips with her when of course! she is paying the bill.

7. Feed him. Baby feed him. Prod on him. do it the every other way, until and unless he feels fed up! :-O

8. Make every possible effort to turn him in to a hen pecked one. But show on the face of it that you want the perfect combination of salman’s body, shahrukh’s grace and Amitabh’s baritone. By the time, he understands the nuances of the confusion , he will be more than eager to run away. Oh! btw, find time to tell him that he is your Amit Ray. In case he haven’t heard about him..CRib, crIB and more CRIB about it. But find time for it ok! I missed this step 😦

9. Ask him about all his embarrassing secrets. But you know you are more than eager to share yours. In case he talks about an old crush, show grace and patience to hide that you are turning green with envy. Expect him to ‘understand’, which men by default won’t. So be rest assured.

10. Last but not the least- Sing for him. Croon and Voila! he is gone. Well it might just be your rendition of Tagore’s “Kotobaro bhebechinu apona bhulia…”

By the way, don’t really try all this if you have found your perfect soulmate (they are rare to find anyways) 🙂