1. Does he look dreamy eyed, bespectacled, nerdy and gives you a deep look? Does she have round eyes- the ones she speaks through, thick black hair and flawless skin? do they look chubby, rotund with tons of baby fat that refuses to go? Chances are that you are hitting on a bong.
2. Does he write poetry? Does she inspire you to write some? No matter what happens to those fallen trees (the papers eventually find their way to the trash can) they are essentially bong favourites.
3. Does he smoke? The Charminar? the gold flake? Does he know the best places to find weed…..Is he possessed with the soul of GB Shaw, Marquez, Octavio Paz or someone closer home like Sunil Gangopadhyay after two shots of cheap liquor? Yes, of course 🙂
4. Do they know their Beer and “Bhodka” too well? Oh! and even if you replace the high end foreign varieties with options like Bangla and Mahua they will still sing “robindroshongeet”….yes! yes! who else it can be?
5. Do they behave like snobs while treating people who don’t know who Che Guevara was or who have never heard of Suman and Beatles with a smirk that can destroy the world? Ah!
6. Do they claim to be writers, theatre people, meaningful cinema people, art, craft….blah, blah, blah? Oh! in practice they are engineers, lawyers, research scholars, doctors and stuff? Hmmm……
7. A bunch of them cannot sit without arguing/debating or as they call meaningful discussion or Adda. Well the topics may range from the Economic recession, oil crisis, J&K problem, Obama, recent Manmohan-Sonia tension, Whether Ram was actually born in Ayodhya, Satyajit Ray, Singur and Nano……ask any of them and you have a ready solution? Bang on!
8. Do they prefer dressing up in a ‘Punjabi’ for particular social events or for that matter the red border cotton sari with a big red bindi…..This one is a cakewalk.
9. Do they reminisce often about good old days aka- bandh holidays, childhood durga pujo, school, first love, untapped poetry talent, Calcutta, Victoria Memorial, gangar ghat and idle days- You seriously want any more hints?
10. Last but of course not the least- they know about any god damn cuisine on this planet while swearing by their ilish mach and ready to kill for Calcutta’s or CR Park’s phuchka? The perfect foodie out there for whom religious festivals mean another gateway to good food while their counterparts from North can’t believe they have non-veg during Navaratri- That’s what you call the making of the perfect bong theory.
P.S. I neither do smoke nor drink. Kind of detest them. Five years of hostel life also could not change that. I love to party and dance with my friends, but only with my non alcoholic concoction of blue lagoon (yes! I make sure they make it that ways :P). But I am a true bong too..who swears by her Dakshinapon phuchka.